This is Dear Diary post, but with a difference. I realised that the letter hit home for me because it took a long time for me to get past the first sentence – a really long time. When you read the letter, you might also understand why. It is because this is one of the advices that I received many times in my dating years. ‘Never love a man more than he loves you, otherwise, he will show you pepper in the marriage’. I wondered then, as I do now, if:
- There is any truth to this saying
- Who invented this saying
- Are men also told a version of this e.g. do not love a woman too much, otherwise, she would use your head?
- Is there really a yardstick for measuring who loves more?Read more after d cut......
I find that the lady who wrote the letter below believes that it was advise that she should have listened to. Personally, I don’t think so. I’m one of those people who think that love is a fluid emotion. It grows, it dips and it changes. One needs to learn to adapt with the times, rhythm and flow of love. Ok. I’m going to stop now because I really have a strong opinion on this one but, its yours I would love to hear. Here is the letter below:
‘Dear Diary,
I wish that I had listened to my mother when she said I must never marry a man who loves me less than I love him.I have been foolish because I did this. In the early stage of our relationship and marriage, it was cute. He was dependent on me and needed me for everything. These days, he seems to equate me with the front door. It is as if I will always be around and would always be at home waiting for him. My patience has begun to run low. I am tired of expecting him to reciprocate the love that I show him. Initially, he would complain that he is too busy to do things together, he was building his career. Now that the career has blossomed, he says he wants to build a business. He always seeks for opportunities to be away from home and we never do anything together. He has recently accused me of being too clingy. I am tired. Nobody said a marriage would be this hard. I want to be loved too.
It was our 7th wedding anniversary recently and other than verbally wishing me a happy anniversary, he did not do anything else. I, on the other hand had saved so much money to buy him a watch that he has always loved. He doesn’t want to sit and chat, he does not want to watch Tv with me, he rushes his meals and so we have no real bond, other than sex. When I complain, he accuses me of nagging. I am not naturally a clingy person, I just want my love reciprocated. My mother was right, a woman should never marry a man who loves her less than she loves him. Very soon, I will make some changes. Perhaps then, he would see me with new eyes.
Yours, Unhappy in Love.’
My Advice, look for his love language, what is it you are doing that makes him stay away from you? is he a moody person,? how do you get him excited?can you try spicing up your sex life?Do you have anyone he is close to and respects that you can talk to? even though it can be dicey at times.Well the good thing he doesn't hit you so am good with that. As per the changes you want to make,what are the changes?hope it's for good? A woman is there to build not to destroy, you didn't mention if you have kids yet, he might be going through mid life life crisis, talk to God about it and be prayerful. Read relationship books that will encourage and educate you more.Don't nag or you will drive him further away.Talk to him without raising your voice or being aggressive.,try to be patient with him,he will come around someday, be hopeful, it's just your 7th year in marriage, you have a long way to go.Good luck, From Linda Spize
Over to you LSB readers ,what advice do you have for her?
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